“Have you eaten
today? If not, let me show you this new restaurant. Good food, the service
girls specially attractive, the Madam herself is quite friendly.”
“What are you proposing:
the food, the service girls or the Madam?Sorry to disappoint you, I am
fasting.”
“When did you
become a Muslim?”
“Is it only Muslims
that fast? Fasting is good for everyone’s spirit and system.”
“Forget about that.
Come and have a good bite. I am the one paying anyway, so what’s your problem?”
“This man, are you
living in Mars? You mean you don’t know that this is Ramadan and that some
people have made it risky for non-Muslims to go and eat? I don’t want to risk
my life. Even when you are not fasting or you are a Christian, the best thing
to say during this season is to insist that you are also fasting.”
“This is Nigeria,
man. I know many Muslims who are not fasting.”
“This is Nigeria,
man. Do you know a Nigerian called Francis Emmanuel?”
“Why should I know
him? Does he or she know me?”
“He”
“So?”
“He is in hospital
right now as we speak somewhere in Kaduna. He was butchered by some angry
Muslim youths in broad daylight for daring to eat at 2.30 pm during Ramadan. He
has cuts all over his body and he almost lost one of his eyes.”
“But the man is a
Christian. He bears the name of a saintand the name of the Messiah”
“Yes, the man told
his assailants he is a Christian, but they wouldn’t listen. The way things are,
it is better not to take chances. I am a
Muslim for a purpose. . You won’t find me eating or drinking in public. What if
they start attacking restaurants and drinking joints?”
“This is a secular
country. The Constitution guarantees the freedoms of choice, thought, and
association.”
“Clap for yourself”
“But you are not in
Kaduna. You are in a cosmopolitan city.”
“Kaduna is also a
cosmopolitan city. And if you must know, in France just yesterday, a waitress
was slapped by radical Muslims for serving alcohol during Ramadan in a
restaurant, and France is supposed to be the country of libertey, equalitey and
fraternitey!”
“Nobody will force
you to fast here and those boys who beat up Francis Emmanuel, are you sure they
are Muslims? They are most likely hiding under the banner of religion to settle
some scores. Are you sure there is no aggrieved lover involved or a quarrel
over a debt or something?”
“You have started.
Even when something is so clear, you’d start shading it. If that was the issue
why would the state Governor visit the man in hospital to console him. Stop
twisting things. I am not going to any joint to eat or drink during. If I must
eat or drink, I will hide inside my room.”
“Stop being funny.”
“I am being funny
hen? Have you heard of a woman called Bridget Agbahime?”
“No”
“You obviously don’t
pay attention to what is going on in this country.”
“You can’t blame
me. I have too many personal issues to sort out. They have not paid our salary
and I haven’t paid the children’s school fees, the company is threatening to
retrench anybody that talks about salary, my wife is saying I should try and be
a man, and stop being a body without engine, when even government is not paying
anybody.”
“Hold on. Just hold
on. Bridget Agbahime was murdered in Kano about a week ago. Clobbered to death.
She was accused of blasphemy by irate Muslim youths.”
“The spirit of Boko
Haram at work. But those are not Muslims. Those who kill in the name of
religion are criminals and they must be brought to book. But I was already
talking about my own issues, if you will just let me finish…”
“Wait. Has anyone
been brought to book? Those who should enforce the law simply look the other
way. That is the problem today.”
“There must be
something else to it, it is something at the root of the disunity in Nigeria.
One psychiatrist told me that when a country is in depression and in recession,
the people’s brain also go on recession.”
“To the extent that
people will start killing?”
“Nigerians have
always killed one another. The depression and the recession didn’t start today.
It started from the point of independence. It has only grown worse. What
baffles me is that people are committing sin whereas no one should commit sin
during the month of Ramadan. It is the Holy Month. The Prophet (SAW) tells us “fasting is a shield. Let no one of you during
his fasting day – behave in an obscene manner or become angry. If anybody
abuses or fights with him, let him say: I am fasting”.
“Go and repeat that
in Kano and Kaduna. Go and say that to the people who killed Bridget Aghahime whoattacked Francis Emmanuel, and who burnt
down churches.”
“The Prophet (SAW)
also tells us that “whoever does not refrain from falsehood in sayings and
deeds and acts of ignorance, Allah has no need of his abstention from food and
drink.” That’s why I am bringing up my own matter. This is the best time to ask
for financial help. If the spirit of Ramadan is in you, you will help me.”
“You should go and
tell them that in Abuja, where government officials tell lies as a matter of
policy, and yet, many of them are Muslims and they will claim they are
fasting.”
“Religious
corruption is as bad as political kwaraption,
I know. But people who are ill, travelling or old don’t even have to fast,
according to the doctrine.”
“Then, let’s deal
with that.”
“But, I can make a
case for government officials.”
“How?”
“Government
officials have a duty to give the people hope all the time. They have a duty to
prevent unnecessary news that can deepen public despair in the face of mistrust
and depression. Too much truth can sometimes ruin public faith.”
“No. This is a
democracy. The people have a right to know everything.”
“You must balance
that with the people’s need to know. Do they need to know? Who for example has been
helped by the information about President Buhari having ear infection and
needing the services of offshore ENT specialists? You don’t create bad news
unless it is really bad.”
“ I hear it is
bad.”
“Every Nigerian has
suddenly become an ear specialist, every carpenter has become an emergency
doctor; very soon pastors, herbalists and imams will claim they have a cure for
the ear, and political opportunists are already talking to the acting
President, there is panic about town.”
“I don’t
understand. You are saying we don’t have a right to know?”
“I am saying it
would have been enough to just tell Nigerians that the President was proceeding
on vacation. You don’t load a depressed populace with bad news, unless the news
is really bad. A President can become lame duck in the eyes of the public for
two reasons: if he is sick and incapacitated, or he is at the end of his term.
You can’t project likely incapacitation as a communication strategy. That is
stupid. They have just projected this President as lame duck. ”
“But the President
himself said he is sick.”
“All political leaders
want to be loved by the people. They seek sympathy the same way the body seeks
oxygen. But they must be protected from violent headwinds. Getting them to see
those headwinds is the problem.”
“So what are you
saying?”
“I amalready thinking
of something else, really. I am thinking of how on earth a Federal Minister
will threaten to de-licence banks if they continue to sack their staff. So
dumb.”
“I even hear that
the Governor of the Central Bank is likely to have a meeting with Bank MDs. Is it the duty of government to run private
businesses, to command and control the private sector, to dictate to businesses
that have boards with fiduciary responsibilities?”
“It is all part of
giving people hope. It is the art of spin.”
“And I am saying
deception cannot be a governance strategy. Companies hold the right to hire and
fire, to determine what is in the best interest of the business, and take staffing
decisions. What is it about a Minister trying to run all Nigerian businesses?
It is not only banks that are sacking staff by the way. The entire economy is
convulsing.”
“Change. All
Promises Cancelled. My only fear is that one of these days they won’t attack
home economics and just decree that government will start withdrawing marriage
licences. And God knows, many Nigerian husbands are in trouble, with the way my
own wife is now sounding, I just have faith that there is God. I just pray they won’t withdraw the children
too, but if they must, they must feed them and pay their school fees.”
“This thing called
change.”
“One of my friends
in fact, had to declare to the wife that there will no longer be business class
travels, dry cleaning services, generator running on expensive diesel for
almost 24 hours, and definitely no more financial requests from her family,
until further notice. The woman raised a storm.”
“I hope that
marriage will be intact by 2019.”
“I hope and pray Nigeria
will still be intact. With the madness in the Niger Delta, and those avengers
insisting they don’t want any dialogue with the same people who had threatened
to deal with them, crush them, level the Niger Delta, I am afraid.”
“But I hear governors
of the South South, with the exception of the Governors of Edo and Cross River
have owned up. They say once President Buhari stops fighting corruption there
will be peace.”
“You are really
sure about that? Will any elected Governor say something that dumb? And place
it on record?”
“That’s what I
heard”
“And you don’t have
ear infection?Who said it: At an open or closed meeting? But if true, then, we
are really in trouble.”
“I believe they
said it because they have not denied it.”
“God, what a
country! The national brain is in recession.And recession produces cognitive
decline.”
“Please, say
something positive. Remember Stephen Keshi”
“May the Almighty
grant his free soul, peaceful repose”
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